Front Office : Art Dimlit, a man who has no visible sign of a personality whatsoever, a natural choice to head our front of house service division!

Rooms Division : John Patrickson, A horrific man possessed by the devil who has deliberately overbooked the hotel so many times that it tops even the prostitutes that he’s ditched into the Green River in the eighties. "But they were just askin’ for it!!!"

Security: Tara Miller, a 50 year old woman who plays extreme bingo and arm wrestles the homeless.

Food & Beverage: Aswan Modick, pissed about a Mariners loss he exposed his penis to a starving banquet waitress & vowed her to secrecy - that girl was Mary Kay Letourneau - one of the greatest teachers of our time! He also suffers from severe over grooming disorder.

Room Service: Margo Adler, a woman so hot that she had to be reprimanded for causing the bell desk blue ball epidemic of 95. We haven’t seen teasing like this since the hairstyles of the eighties. Yup she’s an army brat.

Catering: Margaret Murray, a woman who only stops by to go to meetings, she then looks at her watch remarks that she’s swamped & goes shopping at Nordstrom.

Engineering: Gerald Gardner: a self-righteous Christian who is blind to the fact that his Haiitian night crew are performing satanic masses in the old hotel laundry in the subbasement where they communicate with the dead. They also sell Amway.

Bell Captain: Scarfy Tipmonger, a man who has skimmed more tips from his crew than he’s made in 8 years. Shook his head in disgust when the hotel released 10 year hotel veteran housekeeper, Li Kim Lee for stealing q-tips. "Zero tolerance rules" he was heard to remark as he drove off in his Benz.

Accounting: Jaqueline Adams, When not patronizing the sexist good ole boy upper management, she celebrates her empowerment by intimidating subordinates while playing favorites with the staff. Evil has many faces- this one’s usually on a personal call..

Executive Chef: Umberto Aggravata- You! Get out of his Kitchen!

Chef Concierge: Charles Poseur, a man so gay that even jaded drag queens stop & remark- "Wow is that guy gay or what?" - Once gave a visiting basketball player such a high level of personal service that his throat was closed for a week & he spoke like daffy Duck which thrilled tourist children.

Housekeeping: ZuZu Dullard, she hates it- damn , when there’s traffic- Nuff said. So irritating that she hates working alone since she annoys herself.

General Manager: Paul Lewis: Drinks his own body weight, hits on anything that moves in the bars & once, only accidentally, did he call an employee by their name or look them in the eye in his ten years at the hotel. The management role model who resembles the evil tall guy in Phantasm.